Category: Blog

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Happy New Year?

Why wasn’t I this inquisitive when I was in high school?

Woman on settee offering a small singing bowl.
AKERA Experience in the Sanctuary


Join me January 30-February 2, 2025 in Woodbourne, NY to cultivate optimism, find balance and plant the seeds for kindness.

Learn more here:
https://primulacerebri.com/

Contact me here:
https://primulacerebri.com/contact/

Space is limited.
Contact me for discounted rates.

“Happy New Year!” we’re encouraged to say. Do we mean it? Sometimes. There is much we say because it is what’s expected of us and not because it’s what’s really on our minds. I know I sound like a killjoy but really I want to feel honest about the sentiments I convey. Just like so many things, the new year is a human construct developed to help us make collective sense of our existence and it certainly isn’t always happy.

I was curious about the celebration of the new year and so I did some perfunctory internet research. I wanted to know why we didn’t recognize the shift in time during a solstice or equinox, or why not during one of the full or new moons. There are other celestial and seasonal events like harvests to consider. How did the notion of the sun rotating around the earth or that of a flat earth impact our recognition of the passage of time? I also ask myself why I wasn’t this inquisitive when I was in high school.

I learned that much of what I mention above was, at one point, considered to be the culmination or initiation of the year. After mathematicians, the Catholic Church and others got a hold of it though, and in an effort to standardize, our current Gregorian calendar was adopted in 1582 replacing the Julian calendar.

This is all likely more than you wanted to know. Regardless, I have found myself increasingly nonplussed by the relentless marking of time but not the passing of time. I am increasingly excited by seasons, the phases of the moon, the changing geometry of the angle at which the sun hits the earth and when things grow and die. The numbers on the calendar are helpful, as maps are, but there is so much more to make note of.

My New Year’s message is to not take the gifts of this life for granted. Stay observant and see what you notice. Enjoy asparagus in the spring and apples in the autumn. If you’re lucky you will age. If you’re lucky you will not but you will have taken the time to bask in what your time on this earth, in this vessel, your body, had to offer. If you’re motivated you will continue to learn and stay curious.

As difficult as it is to cultivate optimism in the face of the current political and global climate I feel the need to try. The practice of Yoga recognizes that we all have the potential to uplift the human condition and not just our own conditions.

Woman looking out the window onto a winter scene.
AKERA Experience in The Grand Chalet

This is not lost on me and yet I’d be lying if I said that this is not a challenge. At the same time the notion of my own state of mind, the power of meditation and the individual contributions of so many having the ability to make the world a kinder, more gentle place fills me with hope.

And now…. Happy New Year!

Join me January 30-February 2, 2025 in Woodbourne, NY to cultivate optimism, find balance and plant the seeds for kindness.

Learn more here: https://primulacerebri.com/
Contact me here: https://primulacerebri.com/contact/

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Sankalpa in the Current Climate

From time to time I enjoy morning Tarot readings to focus my energy and consider possibilities obvious and less so. I don’t let these readings dictate anything but they do give me fodder for thought and action. Two weeks ago I drew the Tower. When this happens I usually pretend it didn’t because who wants to stand around waiting for something to come along and rock your world. Then it happened. The bottom fell out and sudden change, disappointment, and resilience came to the forefront. What happens next will be pivotal to our existence as citizens of this planet and something over which I have very little control at present.

An array of Tarot cards

This all came along as I continue to refine the Sattva and Sankalpa theme I’ve been working on for weeks. In earlier posts I described Sankalpa as “structuring personal affirmations for achieving your potential.” Thanks to the subtleties of Sanskrit and yoga philosophy, this is a gross simplification as you might imagine.

If you have ever participated in a Yoga Nidra practice, you may have been asked at the beginning to repeat to yourself a Sankalpa, a deep resolve to invite your highest aspirations into your existence, three times. This invitation, coupled with the Nidra, are intended to sow the seed of this deep resolve within your subconscious in order to manifest it and disrupt your Samskaras (another Sanskrit word to unpack) or deeply rooted, self-sabotaging habits. Yeah, we’re not trying to accomplish anything great with this. At its most basic a Sankalpa is a succinct, positive, consistent statement, spoken in the present tense that supports your highest purpose or dharma. One challenge with this is that within the Yoga Nidra experience the concept of Sankalpa is usually poorly defined, and we are asked to create this on the fly, from a state of consciousness. Sankalpas developed under these conditions are rarely useful.

Sankalpas are long-term and I’ve been working with mine for over two years. I added to my existing one this year for more coverage, if you will. Get to know me and maybe I’ll share it with you. I will say that this writing, my participation as a faculty member of the Brooklyn Flow Yoga Teacher Training, becoming a retreat leader and serving as an Election Inspector are all manifestations of that Sankalpa. Using Yoga Nidra, meditation, and deep noticing, a meaningful Sankalpa should introduce itself to you rather than be developed through active thought. Once it arrives, repetition will allow it to grow over time and guide you. It will if you let it.

So, what does all this have to do with The Tower, change and retreating? Such a sudden and important shift can wreak havoc on your determination, Sankalpa and dharma, forcing a restructuring or reinforcement. For me it has been a reinforcement. I now have greater resolve to see my Samskaras disrupted and my aspirations met. The good parts: I don’t live in a war zone, I have support, the sun keeps rising and setting and as of this writing I am still breathing in and out.

Join me in January to find your resolve using community, asana, meditation, nature, action and restoration. For more information on the Sattva and Sankalpa winter retreat use this link.

http://primulacerebri.com/uncategorized/retreat-finally-👏/

For more information about Sankalpa follow these links and do your own research to invite fresh insight.

https://www.shvasa.com/yoga-blog/sankalpa-a-secret-power-that-all-people-have#toc-case-studies-on-sankalpa-

https://www.susannabarkataki.com/post/sankalpa-reflections-and-intentions-for-the-new-year-with-yoga

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Retreat! Finally… 👏

Join Primula/Cerebri for a Winter Renewal weekend in the Catskills January 30-February 2, 2025

Woman in a hot tub in the snow.

AKERA retreat center, Woodbourne, New York
https://akera.us/

I am proud to announce my often requested Catskills retreat. This four day, three night event will center around Balance (Sattva) and intention (Sankalpa) and all are welcome.

While the idea of the new year is one of human construct, the rotations of the sun and seasons on which our calendars are based are natural constants. At this retreat, we will harness the restorative power of winter to prepare for spring’s awakening. We will together honor the energetic quality of Sattva or balance and the promise of Sankalpa, structuring personal affirmations for achieving your potential.

This event will be ideal for:

  • Anyone wanting to explore relationships between asana, yoga’s physical practice, and how it evolves when partnered with energy practices
  • People interested in yogic practices for energy manipulation
  • Anyone wanting to initiate a shift in their existence (spoiler alert, we will not be goal setting nor making resolutions unless of course you want to)
  • Anyone needing a change of scenery and desiring peace

What you can expect:

  1. Twice daily yoga practices incorporating yoga Nidra, directed slow flow, restorative asana and meditation
  2. All meals – 3 plant-based breakfasts, 3 plant based lunches, 3 plant based dinners
  3. Cozy accommodations 
  4. A silent space for contemplation
  5. Time and space to explore your own creativity
  6. Available massage
  7. Focused exploration of yoga’s philosophy surrounding limiting beliefs, the Gunas and energy bodies
  8. Personal time for reflection or whatever you want
  9. A sound healing experience and cacao ceremony
  10. Unlimited access to two hot tubs and a sauna
  11. A beautiful, natural environment to be enjoyed as the weather permits

For information about the Gunas follow this link.

http://primulacerebri.com/uncategorized/searching-for-sattva/

A post focusing on Sankalpa will be available soon.

Pricing (Early Bird pricing remains in effect). Payment plans are available. Space is limited.

Triple room      EB $1150        Reg $1250

Double room   EB $1250        Reg $1350

Single room     EB $1500        Reg $1600

Day passes available for Friday and Saturday will be $250 per day.  Day passes will include all meals for the day registered, practices and use of the facility.

There are some rooms that will accommodate couples at a double room rate.

Contact tracy@primulacerebri.com for more information.

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Searching for Sattva

Whether you’re anxious, agitated, angry, calm, introspective, productive, happy or grateful, you’re under the influence of the Gunas. The Gunas are three energetic qualities that impact how we interact with the world and our own internal landscapes. There are many subtle body concepts in Yoga on which we can focus and the Gunas are among the most accessible energetic systems on which we rely. They are Rajas, Tamas, and Sattva. The Gunas are present in all that we experience and are present in us prior to our entrance onto this plane. 

Rajas often gets a bad rep as being the quality of aggression or narcissism and it is also the quality of volition, power, dynamism, productivity. It is forward facing and is associated with the front body. It is Rajas that helps us to get out of bed in the morning, accomplish what needs doing and approach that cute person over there who interests us. A Rajasic imbalance though can render us aggressive, overly giving, irritable, selfish.

Tamas also gets maligned as the quality of inertia, lethargy and passivity and it is also it is the seat of what is to be realized. What begins as inert is in a state of becoming. Tamas is associated with the back body. It is Tamas that lets us know that we need to recharge, that energy needs to be stored for a big challenge, or that we’ve become complacent and need inspiration. A Tamasic imbalance can cause us to become depressed, be overcome by fear, and feel profoundly heavy or sad.

Revered is the Sattvic state, a balanced and homeostatic state of pure consciousness. Sattva is neither Rajasic nor Tamasic, but is a state of flow and connection. While Sattva is sought after, an imbalance within any of the gunas is destabilizing, and our ebb and flow between them is natural. None of these qualities can exist without the other and just like happiness and sadness, anger and forgiveness, sweetness and bitterness, cacophony and silence, we cannot know one without knowing the others.

As one might imagine, these are the basics and the descriptions above are meant as a primer to what is possible. 

Becoming by Daniel Genova, Ceramic, 4” x 4” in private collection.

Preparing to Retreat

Join Primula/Cerebri for a Sattva and Sankalpa weekend in the Catskills January 30-February 2, 2025

AKERA retreat center, Woodbourne, New York

While the idea of the new year is one of human construct, the rotations of the sun and seasons on which our calendars are based are natural constants. Harness the restorative power of winter to prepare for spring’s awakening with this weekend retreat. We will together honor the energetic quality of Sattva or balance and the promise of Sankalpa, structuring personal affirmations for achieving your potential.

What you can expect:

  1. Twice daily yoga practices incorporating yoga Nidra, directed slow flow, restorative asana and meditation
  2. All meals – 3 plant based breakfasts, 2 plant based lunches, 3 plant based dinners
  3. Cozy accommodations 
  4. A silent space for contemplation
  5. Time and space to explore your own creativity
  6. Available massage
  7. Focused exploration of yoga’s philosophy surrounding limiting beliefs, the gunas and energy bodies
  8. Personal time for reflection or whatever you want
  9. A sound healing experience
  10. Unlimited access to a two hot tubs and a sauna
  11. A beautiful, natural environment to be enjoyed as the weather permits

A pre-registration waitlist is open. Please send me a message to reserve your spot. Early bird pricing and details regarding accommodations will be follow shortly.

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Why Primula/Cerebri

What seems like a long time ago now I chose an email address, I guess it was actually a long time ago. I chose “Daisybrain”. When occasionally asked, “why?” I didn’t have a good answer. I suppose I’m a little scattered, accident prone, flighty. Over the years I kind of became known as The Daisybrain and I embraced it. Some people who didn’t know me well called me Daisy, my name is Tracy. When it came time to name my yoga business, I didn’t want to use Daisybrain for obvious reasons. My partner in all his infinite wisdom said I should look up what Daisybrain might be in Latin. I looked it up and that’s how Primula/Cerebri came to be. What started out as word play has taken on new meaning though.

Not to fall into the category of meme, and not to be any kind of all encompassing, I continue to consider our individual blossoming and how our bodies, brains, energies and spirits evolve when exposed to yoga in all its guises. I have come to recognize the power of Primula/Cerebri as something more than “Daisybrain” and in fact I think I have become more grounded in the process, a little less of the Daisybrain. I still bang into things though.

I guess it’s important to note that this is not a true translation. I mean, really, how could one convey the meaning of our modern day daisybrain in Latin. Maybe you can, but I’m not a Classics scholar. It turns out that Primula is more akin to the genus that includes the primrose in its varying forms, or so the Internet tells me, and Cerebri is translated as, “of or relating to the brain or intellect.” I mean, that’s not bad. Regardless, I am happy with the results.

In my teaching and and in my own practice I continue to make these connections, considering how the breath presents in the body and impacts energy and spirit. I continue to explore yogic philosophies and Tantra focusing on the subtle body. I have joined the teaching faculty at Brooklyn Flow (Park Slope Brooklyn, New York) where I teach emerging teachers about the Koshas, Chakras, Gunas, etc., using pranayama, meditation and mostly restorative asana. I have developed a deeper curiosity surrounding our nervous system and how yogic practices impact our responses to stimuli. The learning is infinite and it is a joy to observe the continuum.

I am finding a voice for all this discovery, and will launch a retreat product soon. This retreat will celebrate the new year with a country weekend in the Catskills focusing on Satva and Sankalpa. The particulars are gelling and I will announce more soon.

Expect some sharing exploring the ideas of Satva and Sankalpa shortly.

Best.

Tracy

#primulacerebri
#presentofpresence

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The Heart is Just a Muscle

Self Portrait, 2017 by Daniel Genova (used with permission) https://danielgenova.com/home.html

I remember, in high school I was at a friend’s house and her father (I’ll call him Bruce) was watching some news show. They were reporting about a doctor who was doing research on heart disease, meditation and the body/mind connection. The doctor called the heart an organ of acceptance… or maybe something similar.

The conversation that ensued focused on the fact that the heart is a muscle and the belief that it is nothing more. My friend’s father was convinced that the story was a bunch of hooey, railed that the whole thing was beyond silly, called the doctor a quack and lit a joint.

This was around the time that I took my first yoga class in the auditorium at my school. I wasn’t much for competitive sports and I needed to earn my PE credits somehow. I didn’t know at the time that it would be the beginning of a journey. It took a long time, but I now know that when we take the time to notice deeply, what you can discover about these bodies that we inhabit will inspire awe. Nothing of which we are made is just an anything.

Our hearts, guts, brains, nerves and everything else are subject not only to their own intelligent functions but to the symphony of our bodies and minds. If you have ever placed your hand to your heart as a gesture of gratitude, had a sudden need to evacuate your bowels (or vomit) when presented with sudden anxiety or reacted to an event with a response more dramatic than the situation called for, you have been intimate with that symphony. 

While these reactions are responses to stimuli, the real noticing comes when we consciously focus our awareness inside. Many long haul COVID patients are finding relief from pranayama. This is not only because it inspires focus on the breath, it also engages that focusing to inspire insight into the workings of the entire body and the relationships: physical, emotional, energetic and spiritual, that reside there. 

So, do I believe the heart is more than just a muscle? Absolutely. The fullness of mine when I’m with my loved ones and emptiness I’ve felt when betrayed confirm it. Also, I continue to be bolstered by sensations within my structure and what they tell me about my overall well being. Those sensations are gifts.

A lot can happen in 40 years and I don’t know what Bruce thinks now. I like to think of him at 90 something attending mindfulness conferences in Palo Alto or the Berkshires. I imagine though that he has not embraced the heart as an organ of acceptance even if I hope he has.

Teaching Schedule
http://primulacerebri.com/about/

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Ouch!

Last week I found myself in the emergency room. The details are such that it brought me back to the yoga and putting things in perspective. 

My visit to the ER was requested by my doctor who, having heard the symptoms of a slightly swollen and sore lower leg, wanted to be sure that I wasn’t nursing a blood clot. I was pretty sure that a clot wasn’t the problem but she’s nothing if not thorough. I complied. After fulfilling all my professional and personal obligations I dragged myself to the hospital. I knew my visit there would be lengthy and was glad that I had my knitting and plenty of downloaded podcasts. 

I arrived at the hospital at 8:00 PM and was quickly triaged and made to know that my situation was not high priority (duh). I was led to a fairly quiet seating area where I was told that as soon as there was room in the ER I would be called in. I sat, listened, knitted, texted until I was called into the ER at 10:00 PM.

The contrast between the place I had been waiting and the place I would now be waiting was profound and was made more profound when I was escorted past the room where they tried to resuscitate my father after his brain hemorrhage, oh yay.
My dad being sculpted by M. Ambroise
My Dad posing for the talented Meg Ambroise.

Suddenly, I was bathed in bright, unflattering fluorescent light and surrounded by about 100 people all in some form of distress. It was loud, people had fevers, were concussed, getting stitches, working in this controlled mayhem, one guy on a gurney was singing R & B favorites (this was not helpful) and the guy next to me had passed out at dinner which made me think of other horrible events. I felt guilty for being there to ask for care from an already overextended employee population. I’d already been there for two hours though and had promised my doctor.

It dawned on me then that I was likely one of the most well people in the room. I wasn’t in pain, I wasn’t sick, I wasn’t working there, I didn’t have a fever, I wasn’t coughing, I wasn’t bleeding, I wasn’t hopelessly inebriated. My leg was a little swollen and sore and I had plenty to occupy me so I sat, watched and waited, breathing and understanding that I was lucky.

When eventually seen by a doctor at midnight he was gracious and kind as I told him why I was there and confirmed my own doctor’s desire to rule out a Deep Vein Thrombosis. We decided on a course of action and after a relatively quick and painless blood test it was determined that it was unlikely that I had a DVT. I was released at 1:00 AM. 

So, what’s the point? The moral of this unremarkable story is how remarkably calm and centered I felt during my five hours in the ER. I firmly believe that my practice assisted me to view my situation from an empathetic perspective and to understand that this was not a situation that was going to be changed or helped by my engaging in pushy or disruptive behavior. Instead I sat in admiration of all the ER docs, nurses, and administrative helpers who were working their tushies off.

I felt the ‘present of presence’ strongly that night. I hope you have opportunities to feel it too.
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“I Have Nothing to Learn”

When I worked in corporate human resources as a training and development executive one of my pet peeves were people who thought that they had nothing to learn, who knew that their experience prepared them for the subtleties of leading a team successfully and so much else.  These were usually the people I had been asked to coach or find external coaches for. They were the ones whose teams got the work done but begrudgingly and with a certain amount of cajoling.

These individuals were so sure that their way was successful and could not see that small adjustments could yield a host of superior results, and not just the corporate metrics kinds of results. Their jobs could have been more pleasant with healthier relationships both with their teams and those they reported to. By harnessing a greater sense of trust they would not have had to do so much of the work themselves and by cultivating curiosity, their own and others, they would have been better able to access tools for more harmonious and productive workplaces.

Yoga continues to teach me that there is no one way to do anything and the more open you remain to possibilities the better able you will be to incorporate those possibilities into whatever you do. I want to learn something every day and yoga makes that happen. There’s what you can learn from reading or trying a new recipe and there’s what you can learn from being present in your body, experiencing and directing sensation, it is all relevant.

I like to focus on the often repeated asana in the practice like Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Facing Dog), Tadasana (Mountain Pose) or Virabhadrasana II (Warrior II). As many times as I’ve done these poses they never feel the same twice and every time I do them I learn something new. I learn something about my body, my breath, resilience, awareness, the earth, relationships. The possibilities are endless. You just need to be open to them.

I’d like to think that those executives I once worked with have evolved to a place where they can be open to suggestions, where they can sit with discomfort and discover something new. At this point I’ll never know.

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You Can’t Legislate Racism

I continue to have these little aha moments.

Working in corporate Human Resources as a trainer I realized that it didn’t matter how much money you threw at harassment free workplace training, it wasn’t really going to work. Why? It’s kind of like addiction. You have to want help. You have to hit some kind of rock bottom and realize that you have a problem. Until that happens you’re never really going to change. Outwardly you might make it look like you’ve seen the error or your ways but then, when you get home, you consume a quart of vodka.

African American siblings, early 1900s
My grandmother (left) and her siblings circa 1935.

It’s the same way with serial harassers. You can tell them not to treat another person in a manner that would upset them if the behavior were directed towards a loved one, spouse, parent, child, sibling (which makes perfect sense to me). You can go through exercises and role playing, show them videos that make them cringe and think they’ve learned something. Heck, they may even think they’ve learned something. The next thing you know, you’re in a meeting with them trying to review an employee’s maternity leave and they say, “I don’t understand why she can’t just keep her legs shut anyway.” What, like you’ve never had sex with your wife? How many children do you have? But I digress.

What I’m getting at is that you can pass laws intended to grant people equal access and treatment. Those laws, rules or guidelines however are not going to change the way we think and feel, only the way we  behave, mostly. Laws don’t change mindsets. Laws don’t change the root causes of stereotypes. In many instances opposition to the laws and rules, et al. will intensify any feelings of “otherness” and increase any perceived justification for mistreatment. Basically, any law intended to mitigate racism always holds the possibility of increasing it. Chew on that.

So what do we do? I’m not an expert but I’ve been absorbing as much information as I can. This musing is based on observation, some reading and watching and little else. I truly believe in the value of education, open mindedness, self observation and a willingness to learn. Watch your own behavior. Be aware of the stereotypes that you invoke. Let your friends know when they say or do something offensive. Don’t let a resolution made in the aftermath of another tragedy fall by the wayside. Recognize, respect and embrace everyone’s differences regardless of… anything. Sit with discomfort.

The pecking order of discrimination was again amplified by the Trump administration and that is the topic of another percolating post.

Some of my recent inquiry was conducted with:

My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem

A Promised Land by Barack Obama 

The 13th a film by Ava DuVernay

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I Tried

I tried to stay away from the one year anniversary of our collective sheltering in. I tried not to think about it, to keep the anniversary out of my meditations and classes. I figure no one needs for me to tell them the obvious. I figure most of us know what we were doing a year ago when we were asked to stay home, when “social distancing” went from an unfamiliar to ubiquitous phrase, when home took on a very new meaning.

I’ve found myself pretty down lately. Yes, more down than usual. The first day of spring is right around the corner and so many things just remind me of the whirlwind year we’ve had. There’s been so much senseless death and suffering from obvious and less obvious sources. We’ve lived through a contentious and eventually exuberant Presidential election which brought about a complete 180° shift in governmental messaging. I’ve struggled with not thinking those who think differently than I obtuse. I watched as those I consider to be obtuse and dangerous stormed the Capital in protest of what, I have no idea. There has been so much hate and vitriol and fireworks and when you think it can’t get any worse another angry doofus with a gun who can’t get laid thinks that opening fire on a bunch of strangers will solve all his problems.

And it’s March. Again… Maybe I didn’t try hard enough.

Then I notice the palpable feeling of the air against my hand as it sweeps to the floor after extended time in trikonasana and I’m entranced.

Photograph of teens at a socially distanced party.
Our backyard graduation party. At least we have a backyard.

I know that I’ve been lucky. I saw friends and celebrated milestones during the warm months of 2020. I made new friends studying and practicing in our virtual spaces. I continued to teach and share yoga and learn from some of the most gracious individuals. I marveled at my family and our ability to support one another as we struggled. I have a job. My partner has continued to work. My son went to college. Members of my family stricken with COVID are recovering. The fact that there are others for whom the past year has been exponentially more difficult is not lost on me.

I’m still sad though and I’m going to have to be ok with that for a while. A friend who posted on social media that she finds herself crying at the mundane wanted to know if she was alone. I let her know that our collective trauma is profound. Recovery will be hard for everyone as we hopefully round the corner towards a healthier, kinder future.

In the meantime I’ll keep doing what I’m doing.